Well, it’s official - three days, two shots of whiskey, two whiskey gingers, one Irish coffee, three glasses of Prosecco, one Nero’s Temple, several sips of several Manhattan/Rob-Roy combo’s, and two cans of Budweiser later, Boozy McSuze is back on the wagon… and she’s feeling seriously toxic right about now

…and not hot Britney with a snake around her neck kind of toxic, more pre-blackout album bald Britney attacking the paparazi with an umbrella kind of toxic.

I forced my self to go to Yoga this morning to try and counter balance the bad decisions I’ve been making, only to be pinned between the cubbies and the door, with the worst instructor in history, and a cell phone alarm clock going off next to my head for 25 minutes. Just goes to show, betterment is bullshit. I should have slept in.

Came home and got back in bed…

It’s funny, everyone kept asking me how I felt during the Detox, and they would wait with baited breath expecting a response like “Oh, I feel absolutely amaaaaaaaaazzzzzziinnnggg, you should totally try it!”

…what they got instead was something more like,

“Meh…not drinking totally blows, drunk people suck when you’re sober, and I don’t even have the energy to fake a conversation with strangers cause I gave up caffeine.”

I swear based on the immediate facial response, you would have thought I told them that Santa Clause was really just a pervert in a rented suit.

Honestly, I didn’t feel much of a change, I still wanted to sleep until 2pm everyday, and if anything I just turned into a bad movie character, sitting alone on the couch in my sweats eating chocolate watching movies about girls sitting alone in their sweats eating chocolate, until 4am instead of going out for drinks with cute boys…and don’t even get me started on the sexual deprivation induced baking sessions. I’ve never baked so many god damn muffins in my entire life. Can you say, counter productive behavior!

That being said, I say I didn’t feel a change - until this morning, when my body literally rejected my decision to conquer the liquor cabinet the night prior. Every fiber in body just itched with anger and anxiety…I should probably just drink more. You know, to re-acclimate.

Looking back on it, I think I tried to take on way to much at once giving up Booze, men, and coffee as well as taking on a 5 day a week workout regiment, healthy eating, and professional domination was just a disaster waiting to happen. I know I’m an over achiever but seriously! What was I thinking?

BUT I did make it through the Detox 100% successfully…kind of… I caved a little on the middle section, falling into bad habits with boys. Well one boy. But there was no emotional gain, so I don’t think it counts….I mean give me a break. I can avoid coffee and alchohol, but men are everywhere! How was I supposed to say no, that’s like asking a fish to breath out of water…and it turns out, boys really like baked goods, so I was really just killing two birds with one stone.